


Delirium

by Crownonymous



Series: Whumptober 2019 [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Delirium, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Madarame exists, Madarame's shitty parenting, Starvation, Whump, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-13 17:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crownonymous/pseuds/Crownonymous
Summary: "I'm perfectly fine," Yusuke assured.And promptly passed out





	Delirium

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 of Whumptober 2019! If you follow me on tumblr, then you probably read this the day I published it on the third. Crossposting on AO3

Akira took one look at him and shook his head. “Stay behind, Fox.” The others nodded absentmindedly, agreeing with Joker’s decision. “You look a bit pale. We’re just going to handle a few requests today, so we won’t even be delving that deep into Mementos.” Yusuke could see the traces of a smile on Joker’s lips, meant to assure him that Yusuke wasn’t being a hindrance by not fighting, that it was perfectly alright for him to stay in the backlines. “Rest up. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Haru, ever considerate, said, “We should go out to eat after this!” It was met with a chorus of agreements. Ryuji, in particular, hollered in delight, which prompted Morgana to swat him with a paw. “I’m sure we’re all going to be tired after fighting and there’s a cafe I’ve wanted to go to for so long. It would be much better if we could all go together, right?”

“Right!” Morgana cheered. “Now, onto the mission!”

Yusuke wanted to argue. Proclaim that he was so close to finishing his recreation of “Desire” and turning it into a piece worthy of  _ something _ . A piece that depicted the inner workings of the heart, a theme that had eluded him for so long. Mementos, a place teeming with the unfettered desires of human souls, would be the perfect reference point from which Yusuke could begin his research into furthering himself as an artist. The designs and aesthetics of each individual level were so vastly removed from each other that Yusuke could analyse them for years and still never fully grasp it in its entirety.

The shadows as well were of interesting shapes and colours. Why, the giant elephants that could very quickly tire out their group were quite fascinating to look at. Yusuke could stare at them for hours and having a hands-on experience in a fight would prove beneficial to sparking his creativity. After all, battle sharpened his senses, honed his skills, and allowed him to pinpoint even the smallest minute details he would otherwise never notice. Nothing like the delicate balance between life and death to kickstart the creative process.

He should be on the frontlines, fighting. He’s quite capable of it. Though Akira was right that Yusuke was paler than usual, frailer than usual, he was certain that he would not be a burden. Admittedly, his aim might be impaired by the fact that his vision was swimming, but if he widened his range, then surely he would be able to hit something. Or at the very least, push the shadows towards someone whose vision wasn’t filled with black dots.

But ultimately, it was not his decision to make. Before he could even conjure up a convincing argument, Akira had decided on a party, and Morgana had already shifted. Whatever words he might have thought to say died on the tip of his tongue and Yusuke followed the others onto the bus, accepting the lack of stimulation for today’s trip into Mementos.

It was a shame. While working on the sequel to his Desire, Yusuke had several, smaller pieces he needed to finish. His art teacher hadn’t caught on to his slump as of yet, but it would be a matter of time before Yusuke’s incompetence was revealed. He needed to do something to prevent that. There were several half-painted canvases he had at the Kosei dorms, but lately, whenever he picked up a brush, his artistry simply fled.

What is he to do without inspiration?

Mementos, in a way, was Yusuke’s temporary answer to the drought he was facing. If he could fight, if he could feel death reaching its bony fingers out, attempting to grasp him, trying to drag him from the mortal realm and into the land of the forsaken, then surely, he would discover something new, something breathtaking, something that he absolutely  _ must _ capture with paint.

Oh well. A lost opportunity is a lost opportunity. Akira -no- Joker, he was Joker here, was flexible and fair. If one of the Thieves wanted to fight, he let them, but should he deem them sick or tired or in Yusuke’s case, severely exhausted, then no amount of negotiation would change his mind. The only way Yusuke was fighting, was if the party was ambushed by a Shadow far too powerful for them to handle and Joker called backup.

Compared to that scenario, Yusuke would much rather go a day without having anything interesting to look at.

He could still try gleaning something from the dark cavernous depths he could see outside Morgana’s window though. It wasn’t quite like experiencing everything directly, but it would have to do. Yusuke pulled out the sketchbook he had tucked in the coat of his thief outfit and a pencil and watched the walls run. Sketching something, anything, when he was starving proved to be a challenge, but one that he was already familiar with. It would be no different than he was at the shack. Although, every jolt of the Mona Bus reminded Yusuke that he hadn’t eaten anything since

Since.

He can’t remember. It couldn’t be less than a week ago, when he turned in a project for his class. A mediocre piece that somehow fooled his instructor into thinking that Yusuke was not in the slump he was in. Technically masterful brushstrokes and a vague, abstract subject can get one far, apparently, despite hunger and fatigue. Yusuke hasn’t eaten.

He was starving. There was food being sold at the Kosei cafeteria, and if Yusuke remembered correctly, he had done some grocery shopping just the other day. Bread and jam, with one or two cans of sardines, but if he wanted, he could easily get some food for himself when he got back.

Not that it mattered. Yusuke could postpone having a meal until after he’s finished at least one of his projects. Worldly attachments prevent you from painting to your fullest potential. You must cast aside your pain and your hunger and focus on nothing but art. Art is the only thing you will excel at and you must devote all of yourself to perfect that craft.

If Yusuke focused on eating, on food, on base desires, then he would never create the masterpieces that he was surely capable of. Art is pain. Art is suffering. Art is beauty that can only be achieved through dedication. Food can wait, even as his stomach felt empty. Great art is worth suffering for and until you create something worth your food, you’re not getting a bite. It’s all for you, Yusuke. Don’t you see? This is how true art is created. It’s all for your sake. I’m doing this for you so be a good boy and paint.

Absently, Yusuke found himself nodding.

“Uh, Fox? You good man?” Ryuji sat with Yusuke near the back of the bus and nudged Yusuke’s arm. “What’cha doin?”

Yusuke turned away from the window to look at Ryuji. The skull mask looked menacing in the yellow light of the Adyeshach levels. “Isn’t it obvious?” Ryuji shook his head, the confused curl of his lips visible. “I’m sketching ideas for my new piece.”

Ryuji’s eyes darted to Yusuke’s sketchbook, then to his face. “Right. Hey Panther?” On Ryuji’s other side, Ann jolted to attention from her nap as Ryuji tapped her arm excessively. Ryuji gestured to Yusuke. Ann was giving him a look that could curdle milk. “I think I might be going insane so check for me. Does Fox have a sketchbook in his hands?”

“Ugh. You woke me up for this?” Ann slumped back into her seat and lightly jabbed Ryuji in the shoulder. Yusuke found himself nodding. How can he sketch without a sketchbook?

“Of course Fox doesn’t have anything in his hands. Don’t be stupid.”

Wait.

“I assure you I have been spending my hour productively.” After all, if Yusuke can’t fight, he should at least spend the trip to Mementos sketching out ideas. “The yellow light brings an ambience to Mementos that I would otherwise not find in the real world. I would not be such a fool as to waste this opportunity.”

This got Ann wide awake. She shifted in her seat, leaning over Ryuji to stare Yusuke down with narrowed eyes. “Oracle!” Ann yelled. Futaba, sitting near the front, turned around. “I don’t know if I’m just freaking out so… Um. What colour is Mementos right now?”

Futaba made a non-committal noise as she looked out the window. “Kind of purple, kind of red. Maybe maroon-ish. Why?”

She was wrong, but Yusuke elected not to comment on that.

“Doesn’t he look paler than usual?”

By now, everyone was turning to look at him. Yusuke could see the worry behind their masks. They were worrying too much.

“I’m perfectly fine.” Yusuke assured.

And promptly passed out.

=

“Is he okay?”

“The Doctor called the school dorms and told them that Yusuke was suffering from stress and mental fatigue but... she said that he should be fine.”

“He can stay at Leblanc right? I’ll talk to Sojiro about that.”

“Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. I’ll get some blankets on the bed for him. I can sleep on the couch.”

“Dude. I can’t believe that he just collapsed. Makoto almost crashed the car.”

“I panicked! I didn’t think that Yusuke would just faint like that.”

“Still, I can’t help but wonder. Why did he pass out like that? Um. I’m still quite new here so I don’t know if I’m overstepping, but he doesn’t seem very healthy to me. Is he always this frail?”

“He’s always so pale…”

“Hey, Guinea Pig.”

“Takemi. How is he?”

“Fine. It’s nothing life threatening.”

There were disembodied voices around him, floating in the air. Yusuke blinked his eyes open to find drab white walls and the stench of sterilisation pungent in the air. It smelled like a hospital. Or a clinic. He hasn’t been to one recently. Why was he here? Or was the room redecorated without his knowing?

“What happened to him, Doctor?”

A young woman stood at the foot of his bed. It wasn’t one of sensei’s pupils, but she was fairly young. Perhaps a visitor? No. Sensei did not allow visitors to stay at the shack. She had unusually blonde hair. Yusuke would love to paint it. He might just make that the next piece he submitted. She stood next to a woman in a white lab coat; a doctor.

“Exhaustion and fatigue plus an inordinate amount of stress caused him to collapse. Not to mention delirium and auditory and visual hallucinations that stem from malnutrition and sleep deprivation.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“But when I messaged Inari just the other day he told me he had some food at the dorms! Did he not eat them?”

“Possibly.”

Yusuke can’t eat just yet. He had to create a new piece, before the deadline, before Sensei gets angry at his lack of productivity. He can’t just lay around doing nothing. Yusuke shifted and everyone in the room turned their eyes on him. What an odd group. They all looked at him with concern. As though Yusuke deserved concern.

A young man with jet black hair sat beside Yusuke and gently pushed him back onto the bed. “Yusuke. Sleep. Just. Just sleep. I should have realised sooner, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Yusuke slurred. The black-haired man wore glasses. They glinted in the light. He would make for a visually appealing model. Yusuke wanted to paint him too. “I can’t eat until I finish another piece. Sensei said so.”

“Sensei?” The black-haired man had lovely eyes that matched his hair. He looked very kind, though his brows were creased in worry. “Yusuke. He’s not here. You’re safe. He can’t make you do anything anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Sensei stood by the door, scowling. He looked like a shogun, with a shiny gold robe and gaudy make-up. Yusuke tried to point. The black-haired man held his arm down with gentle hands. There was an IV drip in the crook of Yusuke’s elbow. “He’s right behind you.”

The doctor sighed. “It will be a while before he’s back to normal. I suggest that you all get some rest.”

“I’ll stay with him,” said the black-haired man. He squeezed Yusuke’s hand. Yusuke couldn’t remember a time when he felt safe. This was nice.

But Sensei would get angry if there were visitors in the shack. Yusuke should have them all leave, for their sakes. Still. A part of him didn’t want to be left alone. His eyes were heavy and he slid them shut. The black-haired young man had looked worried.

Yusuke was starving.

He needed to finish another painting soon.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know what I'm writing next click over [HERE](https://crownonymous.tumblr.com/sched)  
If you want to stay updated on the progress I've made on my fics click [HERE](https://crownonymous.tumblr.com/tagged/crownonynews)  
And if you want to come say hi or just get bombarded with random posts, you can find me over [HERE](https://landofsaltandshade.tumblr.com/)


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